


its just medicine

by finnhoe



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: (tw for anxiety and depression), Fluff, M/M, a whole lot, louis is harrys baby, mental! au, they just really need each other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-04
Updated: 2014-08-04
Packaged: 2018-02-11 17:36:49
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,045
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2077041
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/finnhoe/pseuds/finnhoe
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>louis has a panic attack but harry pulls him out from the darkness</p>
            </blockquote>





	its just medicine

**Author's Note:**

> hi! so i decided to write this itty bitty piece of drabble because i, myself, have been diagnosed with anxiety and clinical depression, so i thought, why not write about it??  
> this whole thing is speaking from personal experience, bear with me  
> enjoy!

“Harry,” Louis whispers brokenly from his place in the corner of their bedroom, hunched over and hyperventilating.

But Harry’s not there right now, he went to Tesco to buy some milk because they ran out of stupid fucking milk and Louis is having an anxiety attack because Harry isn’t answering his calls. What if Harry got in a car accident? What if he’s dead right now? Murdered? Hit and run?

See, Louis’ mind does this sometimes. It runs off to the worst case scenarios and makes his anxiety go from a constant, manageable 2 to a can’t breathe, can’t think, can’t fucking stop shaking 10. Catastrophic thinking, his shrink calls it. (Harry always scolds him for calling her a shrink because ‘ _You’re not insane, Lou. She’s your therapist._ ’)

But Harry isn’t here to scold him. Harry isn’t here to give him his meds because his therapist told him to hide them from Louis in case his mind drifts off to that bad place. Louis is fucked. He’s so fucked up and so sad and only Harry can make him breathe again, only Harry can pull him out of his own mind.

_But Harry isn’t here._

Louis shakes even harder and cries even harder when Harry’s phone goes to voicemail, and he can’t. He can’t.

So he just curls in on himself and locks his phone, letting his mind go to the place, letting himself go. He can’t hold on to that grasp of sunshine because right now, there isn’t one.

But that’s when he hears the front door open.

That’s when he hears his favorite deep voice call out a “Looouuu, I bought us something.”

That’s when he begins to hold on to the sunshine.

“Louis?” Harry calls out, confused about why he hasn’t heard an answer from his boyfriend.

Louis looks up slowly, removing his shaking hands from his tear-stained face. Harry walks in their bedroom, freezing in the doorway with his face visibly dropping when he sees the broken mess of a boy in the corner. His boy.

“Oh god, Lou,” Harry rushes forward, hands already reaching to hold Louis, to pull him out.

Louis cries harder, “Harry,” he whispers, half thankful Harry is here and half angry at himself for jumping to the worst conclusions.

Harry just easily pulls him into his lap, arm wrapping around the small of his back, the other making its way to stroke soothingly at Louis’ soft fringe.

“What happened, baby?” Harry asks so gently, god he’s always so soft and kind and Louis definitely wants to punch himself in the face now.

But he just sniffles and counts out his breaths, trying to ground himself like his therapist taught him. He buries in head into Harry’s t-shirt, focusing on the way Harry smells and the way Harry is rubbing soft circles into his shoulder-blade and Harry, he’s focusing on Harry.

“Ok, it’s okay, love,” Harry soothes, kissing Louis’ head as he feels Louis’ breathing slow and his hands stop shaking.

See, Louis’ mind does this sometimes. Louis goes to this really dark place Harry can’t explain but he knows how to get Louis out and that’s enough. Louis thinks he’s a fucked up psychopath but Harry thinks he’s put the stars in the sky and the pulse in his heart.

“It’s alright, I’m here, I’ve got you and I’m not leaving, I love you,” Harry remind Louis quietly, now the only thing coming from Louis being the occasional sniffle.

Harry has a whole lot of love for Louis.

“Baby, can you look at me and tell me what happened?” Harry whispers, careful to not make and sudden movements or breaths.

Louis slowly pulls himself from Harry’s broad chest, which is now soaked with tears, and their eyes meet. Louis thinks his eyes look like pale, dying colors when he cries, Harry thinks they look like shining blue oceans, sparkling under the sun. (When Harry told him that, Louis said Harry is his sun.)

“I thought y-you were dead,” Louis sniffles, barely audible and fighting the urge to look down at his lap and hang his head like he does on the inside.

Harry’s eyes flicker between Louis’ and his eyes are a light green cocktail of sadness, confusion, and love.

“What?” Harry reaches out to push back a piece of Louis’ fallen fringe from his eyes. He loves how long Louis’ hair is getting, loves to tangle his fingers in it, to watch the sunlight reflect off the slightly red highlights.

“You wouldn’t answer my calls, I thought you had gotten in a car wreck or shot or something,” and Louis looks dangerously close to crying again, so Harry leans forward and slots their lips together slowly, chasing the scent and taste of Louis.

He pulls back, resting their foreheads together as he presses another kiss to Louis’ button nose. (Harry loves Louis’ nose, he wants him to get a little diamond stud piercing in his nostril, but Louis thinks he’d look dumb).

“My phone must have died, darling, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, I love you so much,” Harry says into Louis’ ear, nosing at the soft hair next to his ear.

And he does, Harry loves Louis so much. He plans on getting down on one knee and pouring out his heart. He plans on looking for a surrogate or adoption, plans on having little feet crawl into their bed, calling them ‘dad’ and ‘papa’.

But for now, he’s going to keep the ring with his heartbeat engraved in it in his old shoes in his closet. That’s for another day.

“I love you. Please don’t leave,” Louis whispers, eyelashes fluttering against Harry’s cheekbone.

Who could do that? Louis is his moon, beautiful and radiant, everyone’s source of light when they can’t see. Harry’s source of light. Louis is just light. He’s hot tea with light milk, he’s light and easy to pick up, his eyes are light, his heart is light, he kindles the fire of Harry’s entire fucking being. Just the thought of leaving Louis makes him want to scream.

“Never, love, never,” Harry easily whispers back, placing a kiss to Louis’ temple.

Louis doesn’t just need Harry.

Harry sure as hell needs Louis.

And that all works out in the end.

**Author's Note:**

> thank you so much! please leave comments and look into my other works if you want :-)  
> twitter & tumblr: fireylarry


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